


Redraw of a Monstrosity

by 3dnygma



Category: Death Note, Death Note & Related Fandoms, dn
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Five Stages of Grief, Grief, No Sex, No Smut, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sayu Yagami - Freeform, Shinigami!Light, Spoilers, Yagami Sayu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-09 16:03:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4355372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3dnygma/pseuds/3dnygma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been nearly a year since Light Yagami died and despite recovering from his loss, Soichiro's death and the kidnapping, both - Sayu and Sachiko - are still facing the problem of not letting the past go, as grief is a cruel companion. One day, however, fate decides to take its turn and the littlest Yagami suddenly finds herself with a Death Note in her hand and a strange, skeleton alike, Shinigami with a weird obsession for apples on her side. However, she doesn't use said opportunity for killing others and continuing with Kira's regime but for finding out who that crazy serial killer that apprarently took her brother's life even was. Sadly, one event is slowly leading to another and Sayu slowly realises that her life is in fact a web of lies. And that behind the beautiful image that she always thought of as Light, lies a horrifying truth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Occurrens

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so happy that I could finally finish this! For several months, I've been thinking about this idea and now I had time to develope it and write the first chapter down. English is not my first language, so please point mistakes out whenever you see them! Hope you enjoy it!

Despite spending most of your life with someone, there will still be sides of them which you’ll never be able to explore. It’s like looking at a drawing, everyone interprets it differently. An interpretation relies on what type of person the one watching it is, how many times he has been looking at it and what kind of content the picture faces. So, a landscape or portrait will therefore awake the same thoughts in multiple people. Some, however, will face many variations of judgement by multiple observers. 

If we transfer this theory on real individuals, Light Yagami would have been a very strange case. On the first glance, the overall work would seem more than well done, yet still artistic and inspirational. Bright coulors, fine lines and a feeling of transparency. Only with looking at the right places, staring at it for hours and a handful of luck, someone would manage to see behind the facade.

Indeed, not many managed to see the dirt and dark tones that were located under this heroic mask. And most of them were terrified when seeing the manipulative and lying mass murderer he really was.

Even after his death, they choose to not remove the mask from the cold corpse. Quite the contrary. At the funeral, Matsuda, Aizawa and the other blessed, or cursed, ones who knew the truth talked about him how everyone wanted to hear it.

“In the end, Light died the death of a hero. He sacrificed himself for the hell that Kira had created and was the last one to lose his life for that duty. For that he shall always stay in all of our memories.”

The thoughts that everyone had about this drawing now were pure and naïve, hard to sway. However, one artist managed to get the thoughts that the original one had gotten while creating the painting in the right place and dared to make a redraw of it: The Shinigami King. And dear god, how majestic and horrific it was! Only those who had interpreted the source right would get the reference, otherwise it would seem like a whole different piece of art. However, if someone would analyze the original one well enough at get the message behind it right, they would find all its small, important details in the redraw.

One person got the chance to look at said redraw, a person with a broken heart and a head filled with lies. She managed to look long and careful enough at the destroyed picture of Light Yagami and in the end, found out the truth. And while doing so, Sayu Yagami repaired and broke her soul at the same time. Because the truth may be uplifting but it can also destroy you. Particularly, when the true side of the hero was a monstrosity.

 

It’s been ten months since Light’s and a little more than a year since the kidnapping and Soichiro’s death but it seems like everything except for that amount of time. Old memories seem just a glimpse behind in one moment and ages away in the other. They both are trying to carry on but part of them are being caught in the past and destined to relive those memories over and over. So it happens that a random talk about Sayu’s college friends can lead to Light’s days there. Suddenly, Sachiko can talk about her and Soichiro’s wedding by just looking at a book in her shelf. Everything can lead to a simple moment that the Yagami family once shared. 

However, it’s not just the happy thoughts. Every now and then, the blond haired young man decides to appear in her dreams, his follower holding a gun at her, Soichiro hammering against the wall of glass, filled by anger. Actually, she knows less about his death than Light’s. Funny how the Task Force said that the story behind her dad’s had to remain a secret for the Kira case, while everything about Light was filled with small details. She and Sachiko know that something seems off about everything of this but they don’t ask questions. Mr. Yagami’s fellow co-workers probably have a good reason to keep some stuff for themselves.

Speaking about the Task Force, they always seem to avoid centric questions and deny many of what happened during their haunt after Kira. Despite that, they show up sometimes, bring flowers and stay for a snack. Matsuda even repaired the car once. Those moments are simple but cheering the Yagami Ladies up, it makes time run instead of going slowly.  
Today, luckily, is yet again one of those days. New life is going to enter the house of the Yagami’s together with Aizawa’s, Matsuda’s, Ide’s and Mogi’s presence.  
Therefore, in this very moment, she is walking down the street to the house, the groceries packed in a plastic bag and in her hand. Sachiko wanted to make Karē, the Japanese version of Indian Curry, for several weeks now so Sayu mostly had to look after some spices. A small amount of anger starts the rain starts falling on this day of late December. She really should have taken an umbrella with her and not just wear a simple leather jacket which can’t even protect her hair.

It’s pouring and she is getting wetter and wetter. Not that it’s that much of a problem, just a little bit distracting when carrying so much stuff with you. Hopefully nothing of it will be damaged.

Still, the simple melancholy of that rather depressing moment calms her all alone, until she heard a sudden, silent voice behind her. The sticky clothes, soggy shoes and wet hair don’t matter but the falling paper that she hears. By turning around, it’s lying right behind her, a black book, lying on the small street and drowning in water. It’s open and only the blank pages are showing. Following the now stronger wind, it looks like they are dancing and bending because of the rain. Her hair decides to move with the air’s tunes, too and it covers her face, making it even wetter. 

She could have turned around, letting it get soak there and the pages dissolve. Right now, picking it up is just a silly act and not what it actually is. This simple moment leads to so much more than it seems, good and bad events being influenced by it. It’s not a long way home, so she simply puts it in the plastic bag, overlooking the title of the cover.  
“Hey, I’m home!” she lets her know while closing the door, then shaking her hair to get some water off.

Sachiko immediately takes the bag and gives her daughter a towel in return. She seems more than concerned but not that much about Sayu. “Oh no, I thought you had something against the rain with you! But the spices stayed dry, didn’t they? I don’t want them to cling together, that would be a disaster!”

She can’t resist but starting to laugh because something like this is so typical of her to say. “Don’t worry, they are still in a good condition!” she chuckles but then returns in a slightly sarcastic undertone: “Also, I am fine, too. Thanks for asking!”

A short grumpy noise follows, then a slight pat on her shoulders. “I’m sorry, dear, but you know how expensive these were, you bought them.” Then she helps her take off the jacket, puts it on the radiator. “Now hurry and take a bath, we just have less than two hours!”

A tired and agreeing moan comes as very brief reply. She really has to warm herself right now, otherwise she’ll most likely catch a cold.  
Therefore, she turns on the hot water, lets it run into the tub, takes her clothes off and exchanges them with a bigger towel. “Oh, no.”, Sayu suddenly mumbles, remembering that she had forgotten the book in the living room.

“Yours? Oh, and don’t worry. I didn’t touch it at all, only the plastic bag.” the mother asks, pointing at it, while Sayu enters the room again. She takes it right away, without spending a look on the possession, and replies “Not really, found it on the street.”

“Luckily.”, Sachiko states.

It gets her confused. “Why?”

“Oh, it just didn’t seem like something you’d buy. Death Note, sounds like it belonged to one of these goths or something.”

What does she mean by that? Seeking for an answer, she finally looks at the, surprisingly, not just black cover. Her mother is right, these two words really do stand there. Opposed, what has been said also makes her think of a specific person that Sachiko used to refer as a goth in the beginning of her and Light’s relationship. How long has it actually been since Misa had visited hem? Sure, she lived a busy life but they have been nearly in-laws. Now it seems like she had only cared about Light all the time.  
And yet again her thoughts creep up to him, his face not leaving her alone for a single day.

A simple “Hey”, frees her again from the devilish circle of memories. “You wanted to take a bath, remember? I know what you’re thinking but let that day distract you a little bit.”  
This time, she simply nods. Her mood is neither sad nor angry, just rather empty, and then she walks up to the bathroom again, covered in the towel and the Death Note in her hand.

The windows of the bathroom are closed because of the still fierce weather but the rain is still beating against the window and giving the just slightly illuminated room a gruesome aura. Sadly, it didn’t even snow during Christmas and it probably won’t either at New Year’s. Of course it’s not a real problem but rain had always confused Sayu, triggering a polarity of feelings at the same time in her. 

The tub still isn’t full and so, sitting nearby at the floor, she browses though the lined pages, searching for anything that could give her information about the previous owner. Although it looks cheap and is soaked in the water now, someone could still be searching for it. Maybe it’s merchandise for a Heavy Metal Band or a similar thing. Unfolded, she decides to put it on the radiator of her room shortly. It only takes seconds, so the light stays turned off as some is still shining in it through the open door, coming from the corridor. 

Suddenly, however, the door closes by itself, slamming in a huge bang and letting darkness invade her surroundings. The 21-year old might wouldn’t be surprised if it didn’t move such aggressively. Counting that in, it must have been closed by someone else.  
“Mom, are you alright?”

No reply, which means Sachiko is not in the same floor as her daughter. Her heartbeat starts to increase but only on a small number. Sadly, a shaking hand joins and she gets even more concerned. The last panic attack was two weeks ago, during one of her sittings with Dr. Kumada, her psychologist who had wanted her to restore some of the lost memories from the kidnapping. Both of them thought that Sayu had developed very well and was strong enough at that point but they were wrong. No one really was to blame but she still hates herself for causing that type of trouble.

She doesn’t want to get through it again, over and over, her eyes have seen too much already. Not now, she tries to tell herself. What she needs is a lighter room and a warm blanket, one time she managed to prevent an attack because of that – yet, the chance this time is very unlikely. Still, she has to stay strong. Not just for the others, also for herself.

The book gets thrown on the ground, the towel rewrapped and the light switched on. And the horror takes its course when the tragic victim sees who has been directly in front of her the whole time. Or better, what. As reaction, she falls on the ground, the embarrassment of her naked body being unimportant, and gives out a terrified scream.

How could you describe this monster, other than as a giant skeleton? The first things she notices are the pungent, red eyes and the wide grin. Not really a good first impression. There are also goggles on his lower and a wrapped, red tie on his upper forehead. Behind his back he carries a strange weapon, made completely out of bones. It will probably be the cause of her death, that is for sure. A second scream follows now with whom she begs for mercy.

His arm, covered in the sleeve of his brown coat, reaches for her, ready to take Sayu’s soul. At this point, she is constantly screaming and finally hears her mother’s steps while closing her eyes. It’s too late.

She doesn’t feel death, surprisingly. Just a cold hand, touching hers and then a quiet, disturbing laugh.  
Before she completely fades out, a sadistic voice scratches Sayu’s ears. The following laugh is a pure nightmare, inhumane as expected.

“Nice to finally meet you, my future successor.”


	2. Consilium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is time for Sayu to realise what she has actually been gifted with, one of the most dangerous weapons existing. And while her new companion becomes a more and more normal part in her life, a plans starts to form itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter during my holiday and therefore wasn't able to translate some words so the vocabulary in this chapter is a bit more simple! I corrected it for grammar and spelling mistakes for now and will maybe edit it some other time. Have fun reading!

Kumada is writing down a few lines in her notebook before glancing at the patient through her thick glasses, therefore giving Sayu an interested, yet still judging look. They all were almost sure that she had recovered from at least the kidnapping but the recent events had proven quite the contrary. According to her psychiatrist, the so-called monster was simply a representation from the fear of death she had faced back then, conducted in a single picture. How wrong she is, overlooking the obvious and doing the contrary of making an elephant out of an ant.

“I’m certain that an incident like this won’t happen again. However, I’d like us to go back to our old habits and meet again on a weekly basis. At least it didn’t visit you after that day, did it?”

The concerned voice escorts the young woman from the resting stare she had thrown at her new companion who is currently standing near the window and looking at various books of Kumada, strange that he seems to be interested in architecture magazines.

“No.”, she answers solemnly, a convincing smile detached on her face. “It was just a single event, nothing more and nothing less.” Lying is in fact easier than it always seemed to her.

First, she had shared it all and had searched for help. Tragically, while pointing at the monster right in front of the nurse and screaming in vain, said person didn’t even dare to how a simple blink of her eyes. They called her shocked while stating Sayu’ mental condition as ill behind her back. Moreover, they had filled her with drugs and sent the Yagami in the land of dreams, so she gave up with searching for help pretty fast, being silent was better than not being heard. 

He may be invisible for the others and not harm her in any way, apart from scaring her with his appearance, but the monster’s appearance clearly isn’t a production of Sayu’s mind. Only when no one else is nearby, he touches objects and holds them in his hands, so the moved possessions can in fact be seen by others. That makes him a real being.  
Still, what is invisible to the eye gets considered non-existing every time. It’s always been that way and as an outsider, she wouldn’t even believe all of this herself. And so, she thinks, it’s better to keep it to her, from now on. Because the louder you scream, the less they will listen to you.

The rest of the hour passes like a blink, faster than Sayu had expected it to be. For now, she says goodbye, going to meet Kumada in seven days another time. The subway is delayed for some minutes but apart from that, her way home isn’t full of any special events. Behind her, he walks in heavy steps and keeps silent which is basically everything he has done so far. Only one sentence had been said to her on the day she found the notebook, the cause of all this misfortune.

She didn’t dare to open it after her new companion had appeared. A small part from her still hoped that if she just waited and didn’t act, both object and monster would leave her life as soon as they had entered it. Who wouldn’t hate it to be haunted by a silent ghost that could attack any time? Maybe that is what scares her most about him, lets her heart beat faster and hands shake uncontrollably. Not because of how he looks or acts but what he doesn’t do. Anything. No one ever does anything. He isn’t human though, so maybe doing nothing is justified for the skeleton look-alike. Still, being with him feels like watching dark clouds on the sky and waiting for the upcoming thunderstorm to join them.  
“So, when are you finally going to unwrap the present that I gave to you?”

Well, seems like he does do more than nothing. Her reaction to hearing the voice again is mixed, slightly shocked but also…relieved. From one moment to another, she is standing at the street, between all these houses of happy and simple families which look exactly like the one she lives in. Her own voice is muted for not being heard by possible strangers passing by and watching.

“How would you call something like that a present? There was no special occupation or other reason of you to give it to me, it doesn’t have any use and so far, it didn’t bring me anything but misfortune.”

Sayu is fond of being calm, polite and kind to the people near her so it’s confusing her herself that her eyes get narrower and everything she says to him gets a mean and sharp undertone. Yet, he more than deserves it.

Strangely, when turning back, she realizes that the skeleton’s eyebrows are raised. As if he knew her better than this, despite meeting her just some days ago. However, she rather seems to be imagining that because right afterwards, he pulls out another dowdy laughter and smiles with his grand mouth, supporting the bloody red glim of his eyes.  
“Oh, it can be a godly gift for you but also a curse, way more than the notebook of a Shinigami.”

“Shi-Shinigami?” she gasps, failing at trying to keep it as a whisper. So that’s what he is.

“Yes, I’m more than just a simple monster, what you insulted me with when telling others about my presence, but a god of death.”

Sayu had, of course, never met a Shinigami before. However, she would never have guessed that they were arrogant in any way, maybe this one is an exception. Only after some seconds, when his face comes back to its usual state, he looks into another direction and finally turns silent again, she continues walking the last steps home. Nevertheless, she has plenty of time to talk with the Shinigami when there is no possibility of being watched in a potential public.

Though she was rather annoyed of him during that conversation, there is no point of denying her curiosity about the god of death. In this very moment, she is asking her more questions than in the beginning from all of this, not quite a good revolution. However, her mouth has to keep shut about it until she greets Sachiko, talks with her about the meeting with Kumada and is finally able to go upstairs.

The lights are turned on and the door is shut, on this rather dark winter day. Then, Sayu immediately grabs the black book and finally dares to open it. The Shinigami chuckles, a strange sound to hear, as reaction of her shaking hands and widened eyes.

The human whose name is written in this note shall die.

“I-is this some joke of yours?”

Right after asking the question, it’s easy of her to think of the answer again and drop the note to the ground. Of course it isn’t a joke. They are gods of death, so there must be a way for them to kill humans in the easiest way possible and it happens to be this one, ending someone’s life with just a name.

The monster shakes his head, glances at the note itself and states, “You should carry own with reading the rules instead of playing this foolish game, I wouldn’t have it in my possession just as a joke.”

And so she does, taking it in her hands again, looking over the English sentences, nearby wondering what some of the words unfamiliar to her mean, until one catches her eye.  
If the cause of death is written within 40 seconds of writing the person’s name, it will happen. If the cause of death is not specified, the person will simply die of a heart attack.  
All of the sudden she realizes that this book should really be considered a gift, at least for her. Because it’s certain that several years ago, a weapon of this dropped on earth’s ground and landed in the wrong hands, the hands of Kira. Regarding the Heart Attacks and the Death Note’s ability to just kill with such simple information, it must be the only explanation.

This maniac, who had believed himself to be a god had caused both, her father, brother and thousands of others, to give their lives. And indeed, she has been curious about Kira for quite some time now, like many did after he suddenly vanished and criminals stopped having heart attacks. Yet, she wouldn’t have thought that he had used what is in her possession in this very moment. 

Still, the circumstances around Light’s and Soichiro’s death are what bring more questions to Sayu. Former colleagues kept shutting their mouth, only revealed basic information which was covered in too heroic stories to be true. Especially with Light’s, it seems that there is more under the surface and hidden due to specific reasons. And wouldn’t finding out more about Kira, the killer of them, lead to more information about their deaths? Besides, she is holding the chance to uncover everything about this serial killer for the public literally in her hands, so why not use it?

“Have you…dropped your note before? Or did any other of your kind?” she asks, searching for evidence supporting her theory.

It seems that he wasn’t listening to the young woman’s words, as his eyes are, surprisingly, banned on her desk which had been moved to her room from Light’s just a while ago.  
As reaction, her voice raises and gets slightly annoyed while she repeats herself, showing nearly no fear.

“Shinigami, I was talking to you! Should I repeat my question?”

The red eyeballs meet hers and he finally gives her attention again.

“It’s my first time here but a…friend of mine had visited for several years to heal his boredom. And if you are going to ask me about that one person who killed all this criminals, then yes - he was the owner of a Death Note, just like you are now.”

Unbelievable, just because of this act, the world had faced one of their worst enemies. So she is right, and nearer to this killer than ever before. Besides, she just got the information that he was indeed male. If, regarding that, she Shinigami is to trust, at least.

The Death God’s voice takes Sayu out of her thoughts, with a rather ridiculous, yet scary question.

“So, do you want to try it out?”

First she is speechless and doesn’t know what to say. While putting the notebook in one of the desk’s shelves, she prepares her thoughts, before realizing that there is actually just one right answer as response which she delivers with a little bit of forced confidence.

“No, never. Killing is an act of cruelty and simply wrong, I wouldn’t get myself to the level of Kira, with no exception possible.”

“Never, really?” he states, with another chuckle between. “I haven’t heard of anyone who didn’t use it at least once. Don’t you want to -“

“Do what? Murder criminals and restart those horrible times? Have you really thought of me to be a supporter of this maniac?”

It’s obvious that he wanted to hear something different from her but now feels like he shouldn’t have expected something different. Almost like he knew her opinion about this topic.

“Then, what use will it have for you? None.”

Her ambitious smile speaks enough for Sayu. She glances to the window and watches the sun get out of the clouds when she states.

“Isn’t it obvious? The public never got to know anything about him when the murders stopped. We don’t even know whether he is dead or not. And…I think that we do have the right to know. At least I do.”

Putting a mask of confidence on doesn’t really work for her, she notices while her worries and scars start showing again. He laughs over her grief on what she clenches her fist and looks to the ground.

“What does it change to know who took all these lives? All these people will stay dead anyways. Or does this rely on…personal reasons?”

Sayu leaves the question unanswered. He heard her mention Light’s and Soichiro’s names several times in front of her mother, so shouldn’t the answer be obvious? Another chuckle, this time coming from her. He does know indeed due to his next question.

“What are you going to do? Find Kira, under the chance of him being alive, and avenge your oh-so beloved family?”

Surprisingly, she hasn’t thought about that yet. In spite of the chance that Kira got already executed, his heart could still be beating. Under these circumstances, would she break her personal vow of never using the Death Note? She had stated herself that killing in any way is simply wrong but this could nearly be seen as exception, regarding everything that this serial killer has done. And for this man who had ruined everything she had, Sayu would even make a criminal of herself in order to end his life.

“The chance that he is alive seems slow and right now, I shouldn’t bother thinking about it. First of all, it’s my duty to find his identity and everything about Soichiro and Light Yagami’s deaths, then I shall decide what to do next.”

“But how are you going to reach this goal? This notebook didn’t belong to Kira himself, it only has the same rules written in. What possibility is there for you to suddenly be able to find Kira?”

In the middle of his small speech, she shortly got confused. Not every Death Note has rules in it? And why would a Shinigami write them in his book, simply for humans to understand what this object is capable of? Although it leaves her pretty curious, she tries not to waste any more thoughts on it but talk about it with the Shinigami later, not now. So, she calms down, searches eye with the red eyeballs and replies:

“Well, I know under which rules he had to use the Death Note on and also the basics of the way how it kills, isn’t that an improvement? I have been thinking about this for several months and this event is telling me to start with my search.”

“It’s like I am chosen to expose Kira.” she adds in her mind because saying it out loud would sound nothing more than crazy. Yet, out of every person in the world, she was the one to drop this murder weapon up, from the cold, wet ground, and become its owner. It has to be more than a simple coincidence.

The Shinigami even seems annoyed from the short statements she has said so far, despite Sayu not sharing her stranger thoughts. His fist is knocking under the desk’s shelf and the head resting on the ground. However, it’s not bothering the Yagami who still sees him as listener.

“For now, I won’t handle too openly and keep my intentions hidden. As first step, it’s a good plan, isn’t it?”

It looks like she finally got him out of his thoughts. He is looking at her again, curious and confused.

“And step one will be-?”

“Me meeting with some old friends and people involved in the Kira case, nothing as simple as that.”


End file.
